I hate those moments in life, when you just want to sit and cry…
Cry at life, at your thoughts, your reality, your past, everything!
You don’t want to do it! But sometime its what you really need…especially if hugs aren’t in your list of choices!
To just let it all out…and cry…I hate crying!
…this is more like it…
Ugh…………………hate these moments…
I don’t know what to do…
I’m restless, confused, conflicted…like…ugh
What to do…what to do…
Need to get myself out of this…limbo!
lol I think he killed the last of my ambitions…
OMG…why is life better when your in love? It works out so fucking smoothly!
So lately I’ve been thinking a lot…A LOT!!
Like, will I ever get married or have kids? Or really fall in love with another guy? Or hey, maybe a girl? Will I be happy? Will I miserable? What’s gonna happen when I die?
EXACTLY! Ugh, I never think like this…for it to happen now kind of freaks me out!
I don’t know what to do!!! I’M LOSING MY MIND!!!
My brother’s reaction:
I have this huge urge to move forward in my life, but I’m afraid that if I do everything behind me will collapse. And what lies behind me is already torn, destroyed, and ruined. By me sticking around to fix it would take my whole life, and its not worth something fixing. So I have to find the strength in me to move forward…but maybe I’m scared of falling. For fear that if and when I fall I won’t know how to pick myself back up, or have someone show me how. I’m afraid that by moving forward I’ll lose a lot of people in my life, people that hurt me, ruin me, and just confuse the living hell out of me. I have to leave them, so that one day when I come back to them, I’ll know how to fix them, right? Maybe I should stop thinking of them, they’ve never thought of me…so I should leave. So that I can be the happiness they’ve never had, because by staying I’ll only face their demise, their repetition. So I should move forward and only look back to wave goodbye or hello, nothing more. Because the last thing I want is to be them, because I hate them.
So I’m finally at that point in life where I don’t know what the F I want….
I don’t want to go to work…and I just started like a month ago!
I don’t know what to study in school because everything I like to do, pays close to nothing…
Ugh….I just want to do what I love and be able to do what I want….but that’s not possible now is it?
Honestly…what is so bad about being quiet!!!
I don’t bother anyone!
Never argue or speak really loud!
Nor am I disrespectful!
So…….WHAT’S THE PROBLEM!!!
Ever get those moments when there is so much to do with your life that its almost overbearing?
Like you could do anything, literally…but when it comes time to choose you don’t know which step or path to take…because there’s so much…
And for a moment you have to step away or else you just get so scared or overwhelmed by so many things….you feel lost for a moment…
…I think too much…
Just a bit of a rant here, due to an awesome day/night….
I know of someone who hogs the covers in the middle of the night…
Who twitches like crazy in their sleep…thus waking me up….
This person also talks in their sleep….O.O
BUT! Who gives the best hugs and kisses!
My boyfriend….JORDAN! lol
My brother’s reaction:
People are such contradictions!
First they tell me to stop complaining and start speaking up and when I do they get mad because I don’t do what they want/think is right!
So I’m right back at being the monkey in the middle!
WHAT DO THESE WOMEN WANT FROM ME!!!
Wow…today had been quite the revelation for just about everything…..
For one, I had a HUGE/AWESOME talk with my older brother and it was….
lol I found out a lot of things about myself and a certain someone…
It almost felt like I found the point to life….which was pretty mind blowing…
But overall I got really motivated to work out, better myself and go for things that I want…
But the cherry on top….MY PHONE GOT DISCONNECTED! lol
Another one….I think a job offer called me…but I didn’t have my phone on me so…
*sigh* C’est La Vie….
…That might be my mom tomorrow :D